Rules for the Companions
by adricbecauseadric
Summary: Rated T for Harkness. Chapter 1- Ace
1. Chapter 1

I, Ace McShane, will not

1. Use Nitro 9 to blow up locked doors.

2. Brew Nitro 9 on the TARDIS.

3. Use Nitro 9 before the twentieth century.

4. Hit the Professor with his umbrella. This is not funny.

5. Use Nitro 9 without the Professor's permission.

6. Ask when we will get to Perivale.

7. Use Nitro 9 as laundry detergent.

7a. Or put Nitro 9 in the soap.

7b. Or near the toaster.

8. Ask the Professor if we can "go back for the fez".

9. Play heavy metal music at the highest possible volume.

10. Talk to other pyromaniacs.

11. Slap people.

11a. Especially the Professor.

12. Tell the Professor, "I told you so."

13. Punch a clown in the face even if it surprises me.

14. Set foot on a battlefield. The lives of everyone else on the battle field would be at risk.

15. Call the Doctor the Professor.


	2. BARROWMAN!

**My best friend, Louise, who has a dirty mind helped me with this one. Enjoy!**

I, Captain Jack Harkness, will not

1. Tell the Doctor the last version of him was hotter.

2. Flirt with his companions.

3. Ask if the Doctor can make me a human metacrisis.

3a. Re-inform him that I was alone with his right hand for a long time.

4. Flirt with Amelia Pond because Rory has a big sword and will cut me in half.

4a. Make sexual innuendos about said sword.

5. Flirt with Rory Pond.

6. Ask where Adam Mitchell is because I am bored.

7. Flirt with River Song because she has a big gun.

7a. Make sexual innuendo about said gun.

8. Call the Doctor Mr. Spock. That is not funny.

9. Flirt with the Doctor.

9a. Flirt with any version of the Doctor.

10. Bring all the Doctor's incarnations together.

11. Ask where Jamie McCrimmon is because I am bored.

12. Ask the Doctor for the biggest stopwatch he has because Ianto and I have a date.

13. Flirt with the TARDIS when she is in human form. She will turn back into a big blue box.

14. Ask Amy and Rory if their marriage is an "open" relationship.

15. Talk to Ace about meeting Leela and River Song.

15b. That would destroy the universe.


	3. Adric

I, Adric, will not

1. Attempt to break K-9 with logic puzzles.

2. Eat the celery.

3. Press random buttons on the TARDIS console.

3a. Attempt to pilot the TARDIS without the Doctor or Nyssa's help.

4. Repeat jokes Tegan has told me to the Doctor. I should not be talking to Tegan.

5. Ask the Doctor what certain jokes made on television mean. I am too young to be watching and should not understand the jokes.

5a. Ask the Doctor what he means when he says he doesn't want to "spoil my innocence".

5b. Ask Tegan for an explanation if the Doctor refuses.

6. Ask for another K-9.

7. Ask where Romana is.

8. Tell people I'm evolved from spiders.

9. Call Tegan a "monkey-person".

10. Ask if the Doctor is also descended from monkeys.

11. Watch "Grey's Anatomy". It is not funny when someone yells for a doctor and the Doctor bursts in.

12. Attempt to find the meaning of life in mathematics.

13. Ask what certain Earth things are.

14. Go into twenty-first century earth.

15. Ask Tegan what's wrong with her voice.


	4. Amelia Pond

**I always kind of thought that seven would be a problem with Amy.**

I, Amelia Pond, will not

1. Add the Doctor's bow tie to my kissogram outfit.

2. Wear my kissogram outfit in the past.

3. Attempt to kiss the Doctor.

4. Blackmail the Doctor because I'm "The Girl Who Waited".

5. Ask why the Doctor threw the manual in a supernova.

6. Slap the Doctor.

6a. Even if he really deserves it.

7. Flirt with historical figures.

7a. Or historical figures from the future.

8. Talk about the little bulb on top of the TARDIS.

9. Paint the TARDIS orange.

9a. Or green.

9b. Or a portrait of Rory as The Last Centurion on the TARDIS.

10. Talk to people named Jack Harkness.

11. Kiss Rory when something is exploding.

11a. Or imploding.

11b. Or something urgent needs to happen.

12. Bribe the Doctor with Jammie Dodgers.

13. Steal the Doctor's fez and have River shoot it again.

14. Call the Doctor's bow tie "stupid".

15. Blink.


End file.
